Placing someone in memory care is one of life’s most challenging transitions. The emotional impact of this transition affects not only the person with dementia but also family members and friends who have witnessed the transition for themselves.
Understanding these emotions and how to work with them makes this transition easier to navigate.
Families experience the most guilt when initiating the conversation about placement. Most adult children feel like they are abandoning their loved one or breaking a promise from earlier, healthier days, “never put me in a home.” These emotions run deep. The only way to process these emotions is through understanding that placement is often the most loving act when it is no longer safe for a person with dementia to remain at home.
When Families Decide It’s Time for Memory Care
Families typically find themselves in a position to make the difficult decision to place their loved one in memory care due to cumulative factors. Examples of this include the number of safety incidents related to wandering, forgetting to turn off the stove, or even prescription errors by the person with dementia increases. The primary caregiver (usually a spouse or adult child) is at the breaking point of caregiver burnout and may even have health concerns resulting from being the primary caregiver for so long. The person with dementia may also become socially isolated as he or she becomes too agitated or confused when in public places.
Seeking help from people who know this transition inside and out is a smart idea. Senior Living Advisors and other placement specialists help families find appropriate memory care services to suit their needs and budget. They are not new to this transition and understand how to help families navigate these unique waters.
The person with dementia may feel and exhibit a range of emotions that they may struggle to verbalize. Some may feel confused about what is happening to their routines. Others may have moments of clarity that makes them sad or even afraid. In other cases, people with dementia may feel relieved that trained professionals are looking after their needs, as they may have noticed how difficult it has become for their families to care for them.
What Emotional Reactions to Anticipate
By knowing what emotional reactions are typical, families can prepare for this transition. The first few months are filled with immense grief, as families mourn the loss of their relationship as it once was, despite their loved one still being physically alive. This grief is “anticipatory,” meaning it is expected, but it catches many families off guard with its intensity.
Adult children may feel a great deal of anxiety about having to switch roles with their parents, as they are now the ones responsible for making most of the decisions regarding their dementia care. They may also feel pressure from their family members to find out what steps to take next. Family members may also disagree with the approach to caring for their loved one, which impacts their relationship during this already stressful time.
Spouses face a different but equally challenging set of emotions regarding how they can move forward with their relationship without their spouse, but their spouse is still there but not themself anymore. They cannot interact with their spouse meaningfully in the same way they once could pre-dementia.
The financial elements of placing someone into a memory care facility also bring up certain emotions that families must be aware of beforehand. Memory care facilities are significantly more expensive than other senior living facilities, and most families will need to use funds they initially wanted to save for other uses, like passing down to relatives.
Supporting Loved Ones in Memory Care
The first month or so in memory care requires special considerations to prioritize your loved one’s emotional well-being. Providing your loved one with small reminders of home, such as pictures or a small piece of furniture, will help transition someone into this new phase of their life. Visiting your loved one on a consistent schedule can also help him or her develop a new routine around your visits while also making it easier for your loved one to focus on maintaining these important relationships.
When communicating with someone in memory care, it requires different techniques than communicating with someone still having their wits about them. Rather than trying to correct someone who is asking to go home and confused about where he or she is, focus on making him or her feel heard rather than being punished for feeling confused. Responses that say, “I see you feel confused,” focus on how someone feels, rather than he or she’s confused on what is happening around him or her.
The staff at memory care facilities are your best friends during your loved one’s transition into memory care. The best memory care facilities will encourage families to be involved in their loved one’s care plans and will keep you up-to-date on how your loved one is transitioning into his or her new surroundings.
Learn how to build positive relationships with staff so that your loved one receives individualized attention from staff who remember how important he or she was before dementia while also learning his or her new needs.
Help for Family Members
Family members need just as much support as those entering memory care facilities. Many benefit from receiving counseling during this transition, whether in individual sessions or groups that focus on helping family members who face these same challenges.
Managing expectations regarding the transition will help family members avoid feeling emotions that can easily be avoided. Instead of expecting to feel only positive emotions during this transition, prepare for certain negative emotions. Avoiding expecting too much of the process will help. Remember that some days will be better than others for the person with dementia and those caring for him or her. Setbacks happen; progress is not linear.
Alzheimer’s care transitions challenge every family, but with the knowledge that certain emotions are normal in response to placing a loved one in memory care facilities, families can make this transition while still having some semblance of a relationship with their loved one.
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Becky is the voice behind Life in Velvet, an organised, intentional living blog focused on practical food, calm homes, thoughtful projects, and everyday systems that make real life feel easier. A mum of 3 living in the UK, Becky writes from lived experience, sharing what works, what doesn’t, and the decisions that make family life run more smoothly.
With a background in marketing and content writing, and over a decade of blogging experience, she brings a thoughtful, structured approach to everything from baking and home projects to routines and decision-making. Life in Velvet is where planning meets creativity, with ideas designed for real homes and real life.